Another List
I used to think I made the best lists till I saw this one in the Hindustan Times.
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60* things that make us stay in India (*39, actually)
1. The possibility of going to the Taj Mahal without paying the exorbitant amount reserved for foreigners.
2. The appeal of low taxes. You don’t pay. And you don’t ask the government how it spends your money.
3. The freedom to honk while driving outside hospitals, schools and even institutions for the hearing impaired.
4. Not worrying too much about global warming. The chances of the Northern Gangetic Plain experiencing snow one day makes the region an appealing future ski resort.
5. Finding Indian taxi drivers without having to go to New York.
6. Not finding Pakistani taxi drivers here at all.
7. The ready availability of baingan ka bharta.
8. No guilt of having to call servants ‘domestics’ or ‘house helps’.
9. No one spelling Gandhi as Ghandi, Gandi or… .
10. Hearing Buddha being pronounced the right way, and not as Booda, or even worse, The Booda.
11. Being able to have an accident on the road and blame it on the Almighty, the government and the other person, strictly in that order.
12. The freedom to call anyone who doesn’t agree with you ‘fascist’.
13. Having checks and balances in the system to protect you from other people calling you ‘fascist’.
14. Following English Premier League football without really having to cheer for any particular team.
15. Writing about small town India in the kind of detail that foreign publishers are willing to pay you dollops of money for.
16. Watching tumbling bosoms and bolting belly-buttons in films without having to explain to your grandmother.
17. The luxury of feeling good after giving a beggar Rs 5 and telling him, ‘Get a job, lazybones!’
18. The choice of using an Indian-style lavatory.
19. Being able to quiver with moral indignation when foreigners think all Indians are casteist.
20. Understanding lyrics of songs without having to Google.
21. The opportunity of being called ‘Sir’ or ‘Ma’am’ by juniors in office without worrying about imperialism.
22. Having faith in Virender Sehwag.
23. Not mistaking Karan Johar’s new, dynamic India as the real thing.
24. Reading William Dalrymple without post-colonial angst.
25. Feeling liberated by uttering the words ‘You want to be my friend?’
26. Feeling positively good about being a virgin at 31.
27. The luxury of blaming Pakistan for your water problems.
28. The luxury of blaming Inzamam ul-Haq for the death of Bob Woolmer.
29. Being among people who know that ‘second slip’ is not a comedy gag or an overdressed woman.
30. Knowing that zebra crossings have racist overtones and therefore are to be rejected.
31. Not getting perturbed when two policemen walk by holding hands.
32. Having dry days that make drinking an even more precious activity.
33. Having faith in a President who is open-minded about spirits and the dead talking through the living.
34. Having an Albanian become a Nobel Prize-winning Indian citizen. (There is no Albanian citizen of Indian origin winning the Nobel Prize.)
35. For being a nuclear weapons State without any peacenik really hating us.
36. For always being before the hyphen in any hyphenation; eg. Indo-US, Indo-Anglian, Indo-Pak, Indo-Outdo, etc.
37. Not worrying about jobs being lost to East Europeans, Chinese, etc.
38. Knowing that Lagaan didn’t win an Oscar because the Academy Awards jury was anti-Indian.
39. Reading a pointless list in a pointless column knowing that it may have kept you off drugs… at least for today.
And here is my original number 40 to this list: The most important reason I am a Non NRI is:
40) I can pee on the street
